I cant fucking deal with anything right now. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be strong for you. I don’t know how to be who I need to be. I will be, I just don’t know how. Fucking fuck I don’t know what to do
My chest is tight and I have a pit in my stomach and my legs are shaking and I want to cry and breathe and I can’t do either. Fuck I need to go to the doctor but I’m not going on pills I will not go on pills
- DO NOT SPEAK TO ME IN A CONDESCENDING WAY
- DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE I’M AN IDIOT
- DO NOT SPEAK TO ME AS IF I’M STUPID BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU KNEW ABOUT OR BECAUSE I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING THAT’S SIMPLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND
- JUST DON’T DO IT
I want to be good enough. I’m trying so hard but my mind is racing and I want to sleep. I’m not even tired though, I’m just tired of the overthinking and feeling inadequate. It’s not even anyone else’s fault.
I always mess things up. It’s never on purpose but I always manage to ruin everything.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Which is super fucking awesome. I mean honestly I never thought I would ever again. And this time it feels real as fuck. Idk I still feel shitty and inadequate to my friends, but you make me feel okay. Like everything is fine. And I can live normally, without fear of everyone else and myself. I’m getting there.
I really really want this to work, and for it to last longer than a month. I really haven’t wanted a relationship but I want one with you. I want to make you happy, and you make me happy. I need to stop being so fearful and nervous about myself and everything and let life happen. It’s just hard when history shows that every girl who dates me just gives up on me. I sound fucking pathetic but you’re so different and I just want this to last. And you’ll probably never read this.